roses are better off dead.

thoughtprocesses.

Tuesday, January 23

Stupid people
Weather: Windy and Chilly
Listening to : It's Not Over/ Chris Daughtry

Things are getting from bad to worse. Between me and my parents that is. I cant take it anymore though I know that there are more people out there taking more sh*t from their parents than I am.

I remember how I used to keep it in and bear with it. But ever since I gave up on having talks with them in futile attempts to understand each other better, things have gone from good to not so good to bad. To be honest my parents think they can boss me around, especially my mum.

My mum is someone who loves to make herself look good. You could say I'm one who holds grudges but a few years ago, I happened to be sick from working part time. She accompanied me to the doctor and told her that I made her stay up to wait for me til 12midnight when it totally wasnt true of course. In fact I told her to sleep first countless times. Do you know how hurting it is when your mum goes around saying bad things about you to strangers in your face and those werent even true. Lately she suggested going out for tea with my boyfriend and me, and of course my dad. She was the one who suggested going to Holland yet when there was difficulty locating an empty parking lot, she complained. I suggested going to Chip Bee Gardens to park. You wont believe what she said. Its so far, then we'lll have to walk. Then she complained a second time. I repeated the option of going to Chip Bee Gardens. After which she claimed that she had no problem with the walking, it was I that had the problem. I was furious. Honestly if you had a problem walking in the first place would you even suggest somewhere further away? This is such a freaking dumb situation. And the worse thing was my dad defended her. I'm like are you out of your mind?!

Already I spend very little time with my parents. When I ask them out to lunch. My mum would say " can we go for a quick lunch because I want to do my work? " It is a known fact in my family that my mum is a WORKERHOLIC. Sometimes I dont understand why they wont even want to see or spend more time with me when its a weekend and I request for it. Its a WEEKEND!!

Next is my dad. Honestly I hate his bloody logic. Last saturday he was supposed to be at home. I need to go down to jurong to get books and some groceries as well so I asked him if he was available to drop me and send me home via car. He didnt want to because it was gonna waste his precious petrol. I didnt say anything as he offered to take an MRT down with me. In the end because he thought it wasnt necessary so he didnt go with me. In the end I had to lug 6 heavy books the size of dictionaries, no kidding, back home on one shoulder only to find him out. For more than 30 mins I was locked out of the house, I called my dad told him that I was outside the house. 20 mins later I called again knowing that he was with my mum and should be homw by then, to find out that my mum wanted to go for coffee not knowing I was BLOODY LOCKED OUT. I cant believe my dad didnt tell her. I was SO UPSET I cried. To you guys it may not seem like a serious thing. But to me it felt like I didnt matter at all. All the things they said about loving me was so superficial.

On Saturday, he was supposed to pick me up from choir I told him it was easier to pick me up opposite because my friends would be with me, he insisted that I wait for him where I was. I tried to persuade him but to no avail. I ended up waiting at my destination alone, the place was deserted and very quiet. Not that I was scared but anything could happen like robbery or something, no one will ever see it. When he came I explained the situation. He chided me for not telling him the situation earlier. I explained that I didnt want my friends to know because they were going to eat dinner and it was already 10 and I didnt want them to be hungry. He told me " Next time tell me that your opposite already. " I'm like are u trying to tell me to lie? He scolded me when I tried to tell him to wait for me the otherside now he's telling me to lie? I dont understand.

One last thing, Today it really pissed me off. My dad says that my aunt needs her book that did not ever exist in my house. Cause honestly the book she requested for was never in my junior college syllabus except for the simple ones which dont even require people spending time to write like 20 pages . I told him I dont even recall borrowing anything from her. He was upset then he complained saying "I know its not in your syllabus, but if you dont need it next time return it immediately, even if you said that its not in your syllabus, you'll never know. " Was he trying to insult me honestly? I know my syllabus better than he does cause he never bothered to even check what the hell I was studying or even concerned about my studies.

This may not seem much but it means alot to me. So if you've got something bad to say keep it to yourself cause I dont want to hear it. Dont even try defending my parents cause its only going to make me more upset.

~~runaway~~ Sunday, October 1

The Truth about fat

The fact is I’ve grown fat. There is no point in hiding it. My mother complains I’m fat, my pompous classmate has already raised the alarm. So whose next? Well my grandama was the latest. Ironically, I’ve never felt so comfortable in my own skin. It’s the people around me who are making me feel conscious about myself. Being able to eat till you’re filled up is as if you’re a free man being released from a cage. I’ve tried dieting, successively lost the feeling of hunger and eventually lost 10 kg. Honestly after I lost it all. It was like a new me, a new me that got to wear the clothes I’ve always loved, to look pretty and to be looked at. However, it’s as if I lost myself in the fight to lose my excess fat. I no longer think about stuff that meant much to me but just on the surface, basically just looking good. Fuelled by comments from my instructor to dress up., I’ve completely lost what I was all about. Short skirts, being trendy. No longer the girl who pondered about stuff . To be blunt, it was almost like a bimbo transformation. It seem ironic that even though I’m comfortable with myself people don’t. The question is do I give in or do I make them understand.

Controversially, I realized that it is not worth losing weight for someone who does not love you because whether fat or skinny, you are the most beautiful in his eyes

To my dearest boyfriend, Thank you for loving me so much no matter how fat I’ve become. Thank you for making me believe that I’m always beautiful in your eyes. To my friends especially to shireen and my best friend Kathryn, Thank you for being there for me and cherishing me as a friend.

~~runaway~~ Sunday, December 25

It's Christmas! =D We remember him
Weather: Rainy.. the sun just got up not too long
Listening to: I'm so sick/Flyleaf

Dear Shadow,

New word I've Leant Today: Paraphernalia
Meaning: Personal Belongings

Sometimes I dont understand why they use such a long word to describe something so simple =S anyways It's christmas. Greetings via email and sms is so old. So I'm gonna use a revolutionary way of sending my christmas greetings =) on time and within 15 mins =) watch how i do it =D

To: Kathryn
Lenny
Nick
Shireen
Elin
Ding Zhi
Maggy
Boo
Qi hui
Yu Ming
Zaidi
JJC Choir Members, esp Lifen
Yu Liang
Joanne
Not forgetting, Mr Yue and Joel

Message: Merry Christmas and A happy new year. Love you guys. Hope all of you find your dreams, work hard to your goals. For those who are taking their A's. All the best, God bless, we'll work hard together. To JJC Choir members. We'll work hard together to recruit as many ppl as possible Jia you! =) To RC friends, Hope we'll always keep in touch, and to qi qi and yu ming, we'll work hard to our dream =) Not forgetting the top few people in my list. You guys make my 2005. Thanks to you guys, I'm still alive and kicking. Thanks for all ur support =) We'll keep in touch and hope u guys have a blessed new year

Love ya ! =))

~~runaway~~ Thursday, December 8

I'm Feeling You
Weather: Sunny
Listening to: I'm Feeling You/ Michelle Branch feat. Santana

Dear Shadow,

It feels as if hope and happiness has been brought into my life. Oh by the way. I'm so happy there's another version of Pride and Prejudice is coming out. Darcy is sooo cute as always =)) But apparently, the critics didnt like it. Heard they tried to put a modern twist to it. Well there's already Bridget Jones Diary. Why bother having to put a modern twist to it really. But I must say Bridget rawks my socks. She's the typical clumsy girl who gets prince charming despite her weird antics and her failed attempts to appear attractive.

Camp's coming soon. Ahh.... I'm dreading the toilets, the distance and i will definately miss sleep badly. Oh well at least I get to lose weight.. I guess haha.

I met up with my cousin on tuesday. It was nice seeing her after a long while . All the best for your tests though. =)) I like 6 of december. Really like it... even if i dont like the number 6 but who cares man haha =)) I hope we will always celebrate 6 of decemeber even after 10 years down the road =))

Oh by the way, I shall try to write less depressing things.. well in a way its good because I'm letting it all out at some point in time. Anyway arent you supposed to happy when I keep things real? Come on at least I'm real =))

-//These things I'll never say...
*Silly Girl =))

~~runaway~~ Monday, December 5

Walking on Sunshine
Weather: Cool after showers across Singapore =)
Listening to: Here By Me/3 Doors Down

Dear Shadow,

I didnt update my blog because I thought I didnt want to bore you with how wonderful my life is right now. You might have guessed it right but God really has plans for me. I feel so blessed

Well other than that it was also because I'm really busy so much so I havent got time to do my homework... =XX Not that I'm out shopping anyway.... I havent even got time to buy more clothes ahhh! oh well...

While I was reading through my testimonials.. I realised that I've changed for the worse I guess. Well partially due to time... I hardly keep in contact with my friends let alone ask and talk to them about their problems. I would really love to do that if not for my hectic schedule. But not to mention my holidays have been really meaninful. ULP, Choir, Red Cross, Band, Lessons and even tuition. There's more to come, but even then, I think there's no one in the whole wide world that can experience what i'm experiencing now. But even then... I really think i should care more for my friends.

Right now I really thank the lord for allowing me to meet friends like, Kathryn, Shireen, Batman, Joel, Ding Zhi. Mag, Boo and last but not least my silly boy =)) and others that i've missed out who have helped me through my darkest times this year =))

-//Whisper in my ear, Hold my heart, All our fears disappear
*ceLina

~~runaway~~ Wednesday, November 23

So far so good... till he haunts me.
Weather: Gloomy, nice to sleep in
Listening to: Moon/Lena Park

Dear Shadow,

Life's been pretty nice so far. After that low point in life, things kinda bounced back into shape. That's pretty good I suppose. Project Work and Choir brought me closer to the people in JJC. Which is good again i suppose. Well its better than not having any friends. I'm very happy the exams are over and I get to see my RC buddies during the hols. Since meeting up with Joel and guys, I've been pretty happy with things going on there in and out. Till he haunts me....

I was talking to Joel last night about my other kor. The one I used to like.. or still like. Things became pretty emotional for me once I starting thinking about all the nice things he did for me and how everything ended. I went to bed with a heavy heart. After last night I realised something. No matter how things are going in my life right now, I know sub conciously I wished I never let him go. Now I really wish I can forget everything and start anew somewhere else. I dont want to see myself still thinking about something that has happened one year ago. I have to move on. How? I do not know, I'll try though

-//Once I give you my heart, You'll scar me for life
*ceLina

~~runaway~~ Tuesday, November 8

Birthday =))
Weather: Pretty okay. I wanted it to rain though
Listening to: Girl Next Door/Saving Jane

Dear Shadow,

2 Happy Surprises.

Woke up with a pleasant surprise. Kathryn called!! =)) That was so sweet of her. We chatted for about 1 and a half hours. I bet her phone bill exploded. I guess I was too shocked to have any feelings. But come to think of it, it was really nice of her =)) I miss her alot. Anneewayy I spent my day at red cross packing first aid pouches, saw Hong teck, Stephen and Lionel. After the long day's work we went to swensens to eat. During lunch, I already overheard Qi hui telling lionel that it was my birthday. Qi hui and Yiwen managed to lose us in Takashimaya, the place which I really dont want to spend my birthday at. After our main course at Swensens, Yu ming and Qi hui went to the toilet. When they came back we were thinking of eating Ice cream, just then the waiter came with a " Firehouse Birthday " I totally was caught off guard. I wanted to cry at the moment however it was really nice to do so. Yeahh hahah Thanks guys =))

In addition, Batman really surprised me with his birthday gift. I totally wasnt expecting it. =D thanks so much =)) I really liked it

1 Neutral Suprise

While Qi hui, Yi wen, Yu ming and I were waiting for the green man at a traffic junction. A group of Eurasian guys walked pass. One of them said hi and I got a shock.. so I just replied hi den he went like konichiwa. I was pretty shocked... I'm like okay.... hahaha yeah funny. Qi Hui said I looked pretty jap that day so who cares

Unpleasant surprise

Well the people I were expecting to wish me didnt. Oh well... guess they moved on

Birthday wishes : 35
Birthday gifts : 4

On thursday, I met up with Edlin, Shireen, Jo and Claire. We reminised about the three blind mice and our class. Oh talking about our class... kenneth spiked his hair.. he looked like he came from dragon ball Z hahaha! Oh and we watched Sky High pretty interesting show. I like Warren Peace and Magenta.

Thats it on my blogging birthday edition. Pretty short but better than nothing? =))

~~runaway~~