ceLina // 16+ ; Fairfield Primary/Fairfied Secondary/Jurong Junior College ; Choir/Red Cross ; Christian ; Black/Red/Purple ; Love to Sing.
Music/Bands // Evanescence ; My Chemical Romance ; NickelBack ; Megan Maccauley ; Kelly Clarkson .
ThePeopleThatTurnMyRosesRed // Amanda ; * Batman ; Georgina ; Julia ; * Kathryn ; Kenneth ; LyDia ; Sherlyn ; tiMo ; Yuliang ; Jie ying ; Joel;Cherie
;noteworthy // nartz (please do not remove this.)
leaveanote
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[sample]
Strange In The Making
[ :: Freaky 15 ]
[ :: Fiesty 14 ]
Present Bloodstains and Dried Up Teardrops
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
:: home ::
Save me from my insecurity.
thoughtprocesses.
Tuesday, December 30
The opening to hell- A new year...30/12/03
Weather: Cloudy yet sunny
Not in a very good mood now so i'll just cut short about the events today and go straight to the point. Right now i ammm sooo pissed that i can say the F word 10 times. She just gave me a big fat lecture. For what? For nothing. I'm so pissed. She feels that i everyday never study and next year she says i better start chiongin and stop this stop that. I felt damn pressurize that i screamed! But not at her though she raise her voice at me. I told her that i wasnt playing the whole day and i did actually study and do work today. Which is true of course! It was only a few days ago when she asked to go and study when i told her that i already did my share of work that day. She went on to complain saying that she ASSUMED that i was not doing any work because she saw me gamming at night. I was like wtf.... I told her many uncountable times not to assume from pri sch until now. She never listens to what i have to say! I know the amount of stress she is going through i can see it every night when she comes back from work. I understand its a hard time for her. Its not only a hard time for her. Its also a hard time for me.
I also know the responsibilties of an only child. If you cant find a good job, you will cause ur parents to suffer. This is one of my pressures for studying trying to not slack and study hard. The next thing, i also have my own pressure to compete with myself. In addtion, I also have to save my parents face because my stupid relatives compare marks as if it were some judgement towards someone's health. If you had good marks they would flock to you. If you are lousy they would run away from you as if u had mumps or something. This is so controversial. Sometimes, i wish i had a normal relationship with all my relatives but its just not possible. My grandma can actually forget about me and try to make up to me by giving 10 dollars. What does she treat me as?!?! Back to the point. My mum said she wanted to jaga * look after* me and make sure i study. I was like wtf... again. Isn't it an additonal pressure to me? I have told her like over thrice that i don't need her help. She just wont understand. She tolded me " if you think you are so bloody smart, go ahead and do it yourself but at the end of the day i wanna see the results."
Sometimes, i may not do well but i may have put in my effort, I wished she just understands how it feels to be me and put herself in my shoes just like i try to.
-// It hurts when someone tells you things you do not wish to hear. I wish they never would
*ceLina
runaway