ceLina // 16+ ; Fairfield Primary/Fairfied Secondary/Jurong Junior College ; Choir/Red Cross ; Christian ; Black/Red/Purple ; Love to Sing.
Music/Bands // Evanescence ; My Chemical Romance ; NickelBack ; Megan Maccauley ; Kelly Clarkson .
ThePeopleThatTurnMyRosesRed // Amanda ; * Batman ; Georgina ; Julia ; * Kathryn ; Kenneth ; LyDia ; Sherlyn ; tiMo ; Yuliang ; Jie ying ; Joel;Cherie
;noteworthy // nartz (please do not remove this.)
leaveanote
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[sample]
Strange In The Making
[ :: Freaky 15 ]
[ :: Fiesty 14 ]
Present Bloodstains and Dried Up Teardrops
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
:: home ::
Save me from my insecurity.
thoughtprocesses.
Thursday, February 26
Inner Heart special...26/2/04
Weather: Getting cloudy at this time of the day
I really wanted to write lotsa stuff here but i guess i didnt have the time? Now is the time?
the [x] stress factor
Not too long ago before the footdrill competition, my life was quite stressful i should say. Usually i could handle the pressure but it was too much. I've been making the effort to balance out my cca with my studies. Although it was quite sucessful, something had to ruin it. I really hated chinese tution! I forced had to force myself to go. It was almost unbearable. When i finally finished an essay. She marked and and was not happy. She said i was irrelevant but the point was that the mistake was only made in the beginning and she marked the rest wrong. I had to redo the whole thing again. She told me she was worried for me because i dont seem focus. The way she said it sounded as if i was going to fail my O level chinese. Then she asked me,"your other subjects also very poor right?" I nearly wanted to scream, cry to what ever to show my pain. That statement was totally unjust towards me! I worked so damn hard. She tells me these kinda stuff. Sometimes i dunno why am i working so hard. Everytime my teachers or parents say i should improve, i work harder. Sec 3 end of the year examinations. I was not happy not sad with my results. I knew my parents and teachers would want better results. "Work harder" that was the message in my brain, 21 / 30? work harder! In the end, i'm not working for myself but of my parents and teachers. Because i am afraid to disappoint them. If they didnt push me, i wont not have given so much pressure on myself. I wanted to cry so badly after she scolded me. I had to wait, my mother was around, i cannot worry her because she's stressed at work. The next day, when the competition was all over, i wanted to go out for a movie. My mother threatened to give me 4 ting xie when i had to study for tests and complete my homework in the next few days. All i wanted to do is relax, she didnt even let me do so. Although she is not at fault, i really wanted her to understand was didnt want to argue with her. I went home in tears. I felt that no one ever really gave me time to do my own things. My life was being controlled by routine as well as the people around me.
I was not the only one who was affected. Julia, she too was also affected. When she first broke down, my heart broke. To see someone dear cry like this makes you want to cry too. I controlled. She was a victim of stress too. Her life, was being screwed up by teachers who made life difficult for her, time constraints as well as the lack of trust she received from her parents.
the [x] friend factor
Many things happened recently. Now i avoid talking to some of my friends. My buddies fall back into the same trap again. This time i hope nothing will hurt them badly. I really hope one of them goes for
"you know who" haha. So far, i have not made the wrong choices?
Today's events
Today nothing much happened in school just that Miss tay pms-ed on us. She made like 3/4 of the class stand outside just because we left our workbooks in the locker. Other classes were allowed to collect our books but not us. Finally she allowed those with textbooks to go in. I was glad to step in. 1/2 the class remained outside. I thought she was ridiculous. We caught her scolding another class. We wonder whats happening to her. While colouring the drawings fer our literature project, KWE stepped next to me and asked " did you copy this from a martial arts manga?" I was like "......." Was she trying to say i was that low down to do that? Maybe i would if i didnt know how to draw? When i told her i drew it, she looked at me with disbelief, still thinking that it came from a manga. I was like -_- . I wanted to tell her " look at me!! Do i look like i am lying?" Both Shirley and Miss luah thought the picture of Viola i drew was seductive. I was like what the?!? * you aint see whats call seductive in anime's or manga * She was like covered 90%. Miss luah even commented that the boys would be drooling away after looking at it. * -_- *
While colouring it in the Com lab, I wanted to ask Yuen-de fer suggestions. Then Mr lee yew ming saw my pictures. He questioned me if i could draw on flash. I was like wah?!?! I could try but its hard. I do draw on paint. But it takes a long while just to draw one detailed picture using a mouse. He continued to say " I was thinking if you could draw cartooney pictures of the volleyballers" I was like woah?! U you asking me to do that? To me it sounded as good as a backstage singer getting a recording contract. Well, i'll see how it goes.
[*] Special message
- To my darling son : Thank you for being there when i needed someone the most. I really appreciated it. I cant thank you enough. The only 4 words i can think of is Thank you very much I hope i can be there when you need me ^^
- To Julia : Julia hang on okay? I know its not easy, you are going through harder times than me. I know after this you will be stronger than before. Julia, you know that i will always be there for you, rain or shine, i'll be your shoulder to cry on :) cheer up and look on the bright side of life. Dont cry for you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
-// Every cloud has a sliver lining
*ceLina
runaway