ceLina // 16+ ; Fairfield Primary/Fairfied Secondary/Jurong Junior College ; Choir/Red Cross ; Christian ; Black/Red/Purple ; Love to Sing.
Music/Bands // Evanescence ; My Chemical Romance ; NickelBack ; Megan Maccauley ; Kelly Clarkson .
ThePeopleThatTurnMyRosesRed // Amanda ; * Batman ; Georgina ; Julia ; * Kathryn ; Kenneth ; LyDia ; Sherlyn ; tiMo ; Yuliang ; Jie ying ; Joel;Cherie
;noteworthy // nartz (please do not remove this.)
leaveanote
//
[sample]
Strange In The Making
[ :: Freaky 15 ]
[ :: Fiesty 14 ]
Present Bloodstains and Dried Up Teardrops
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
:: home ::
Save me from my insecurity.
thoughtprocesses.
Saturday, July 17
I don't exist... 17/7/04
Weather: Gone crazy... I don't really give a damn
Listening to: On my own
Dear Shadow,
I guess you are all that i have now. I'm so pissed off... i feel like crying. No one would bother any way. Maybe my mum would but i wont tell her anything. Why? because i dn't want to worry her. Why am i pissed/ feel like crying? Cos my grandma told me not to be so angry because my mother would be worried. Is she trying to tell me i have no right to be angry? I care for my mum so much and does she think i won't think about her well being? How often do i get angry? How often? Everything I do is to please her. She doesn't know in fact, she thinks that I am rebelious. Its not that I mind the fact that she thinks this way. I totally understand because she compares me with Geok Chin's daughter. But why can't my grandma wake up and smell the coffee? You might say " Oh she is old, she worries alot." Please, this is not a good excuse. If i'm able to think for my mother, i don't understand why my grandma is worried that i will add an additional burden to my mum. Now I'm trying very very hard to hold my tears. It's hard but what can i do? I'm suppose to please everyone. I don't have a life of my own. I'm just a puppet. I don't exist. I wish God would just take me away from this horrid world so that i won't have to worry about how to support them, how to please them. I just wish i would go away. No one will really notice it anyway. Just because my table was messy, my father complains and says he has no space. Who uses it most of the time? Me. I've got so much stuff to keep. why can't i have my own room or something? Now i don't even have right to have my own space or rather some space has been taken. My father scolded me just because I didn't pack my table. I HAVE MY RIGHT TO LEAVE IT MESSY! I hate him for venting his anger on me. I hate him for talking nonsense. Saying i have soooo much time to do RUBBISH! He calls this RUBBISH? If he reads this I'll make him regret for life! I remember my mother threatening to cane me just because my grandma said i was spoilt just because i didn't pack my table. Over such small things, they are willing to use me to fight it out. This is ridiculous. I can't take it anymore. I'll make them suffer. How? After all I'm their only daughter and if something happens to me? They'll be responsible
-// Now you know the real me.
*ceLina
runaway