ceLina // 16+ ; Fairfield Primary/Fairfied Secondary/Jurong Junior College ; Choir/Red Cross ; Christian ; Black/Red/Purple ; Love to Sing.
Music/Bands // Evanescence ; My Chemical Romance ; NickelBack ; Megan Maccauley ; Kelly Clarkson .
ThePeopleThatTurnMyRosesRed // Amanda ; * Batman ; Georgina ; Julia ; * Kathryn ; Kenneth ; LyDia ; Sherlyn ; tiMo ; Yuliang ; Jie ying ; Joel;Cherie
;noteworthy // nartz (please do not remove this.)
leaveanote
//
[sample]
Strange In The Making
[ :: Freaky 15 ]
[ :: Fiesty 14 ]
Present Bloodstains and Dried Up Teardrops
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
:: home ::
Save me from my insecurity.
thoughtprocesses.
Saturday, January 1
Horrible Start
Weather: Cloudy
Listening to: Surrender/Evanescence
Dear Shadow,
How do you like your new layout? Cool huh.. the stars actually shimmer... Well kinda haha. I think they look really pretty but they will just jam up someone's computer cos it will continously load, in case you didn't know. Oh well, just when I thought my life was back to no problemo, its back to problematic. Have you ever noticed that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, someone just gets hurt whether it is intentional or not. Right now, I might be seen as emotionless, heartless, a coward... whatever it may be.
When I got up in the morning, I got scolded by my dad for nothing. Well at least I still can laugh about it... Weird huh? I was sure I liked A. When I say sure i mean it. However far too much has happened. Far too many factors. Words mean much to me however actions are worth more. Maybe like my mother said, too much left unsaid and unknown, nothing done, nothing showed. I would suppose that if there weren't anyone else, it would still fade away, it was only a matter of time.
Now that I've explained everything to B, we both decided not to start a relationship. Some part of me wishes to go back to when we were once mei and kor. I'm not sure how long can I go on liking because I know in the near future it will fade. I have no intention of starting a relationship and breaking up because I like someone else. Becuase I know my feelings are not strong enough to last.
Lastly, I have no idea how C can like me within like 10+ days but its ridiculous to me. I wish I could tell him that like is different from love and even the word like cannot be used carelessly.
Since my one sided liking towards kenneth and the frivolous relationships one of my friend had, * I want to name her so badly but I know it would be unfair for her, I don't want to so call ruin her reputation or become at loggerheads with her* I've totally changed my perception towards relationships and love. Its for life, it scarred me. He will never know how much I have changed. Not so naive, no more innocently happy, no longer believing that any human is capable of giving true love, with the exception of a mother's love. You might have thought I misled A and B, but the truth is I only say what I mean and that it came from my heart. It was never a lie from the beginning. You can blame me for causing you hurt and pain, I'm willing to take it. Scold me if you wish, curse behind my back if you must, if it might make you feel better. I wish I could take away your pain. I do blame myself for causing harm upon people whom I've hurt. But I know somethings will never be enough. Am I trying to redeem myself by listening to the woes of others, trying to soothe their aches? I really have no idea but there's one thing I'm sure. If my attention is worth lightening their load and my words are able to comfort their nerves and that they feel that people in the world do care, I would be more than content.
Who will save me then? God would. I'm waiting for my salvation to manifest in my soul, heart and mind. For now, living alone is answerable. No one can touch me, no one can harm. Only he will be with me
-//I'm still bleeding deep down inside
*ceLina
runaway